The FBI as the character HAL in 2001
A Space Odyssey comparison with reality

David Bowman is talking with Hal 9000,  the computer with the funny voice.

("FBI Hotline can we Help you "   "Hi this is #09264" voice changes...   "yes what can we do for you" ...somewhat hostile)

Everything is going extremely well...

(We are in Control so don't even think of messing with us)

"No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information",   Hal says

(We are the FBI we are honest, what we do is so important that you should not even be talking with us - we're busy, we talked to 10,000 Nathans)

"Whether or not Hal has any real feelings,  I think,  is something no one can answer",  Dave replied.

(Society has broken down so much and gotten so large that I don't really know who I am talking to on the phone most of the time, but the task force keeps switching me to this same voice, call is taken then transferred)

HALS voice softens  "Confidentially between just us,  I have never completely freed myself of the suspicion that there are some extremely odd things about the mission. The security precautions at the start of the mission were very odd.  did that bother you Dave"

(Hi I am a Disinformationalist and I am entering your life, I am pretty, I am a Hippie).

I just picked up A fault in the ae35 unit

(Ok, now you gotta listen to me. I wrote the Nathan R note, I sent you a handwriting sample based on the internet text quote of the note. I sent a copy to Kirts. Now I have seen the note on TV with a local Baucus Politico, IT IS MY HANDWRITING GOD DAMN IT)

Yes it is puzzling,  I don't think I have ever seen anything like this before",  agrees Hal

(Look we are taking this very seriously, we are very concerned about copy cat bombers, let us handle this,... then later "DO NOT CALL THIS AGENCY AGAIN IF YOU HAVE HIM IN YOUR CAR " ...very hostile)

Your HAL 9000 unit is in error in predicting the fault according to our twin 9000",   reports the voice from mission control.

(Sheriff Kirts discovers Nathan Salmon and sends his report to task force headquarters by courier).

HAL replies to Dave;   "I don't thing there is any question about it that this discrepancy is attributable to human error"

("The polygraphs will not be accepted by the FBI"  even though the polygraphers are all Federally recognized.)

You know there's never been a mistake by a Hal 9000 series

(Mr Ted Kaczynski was reported to have fertilized his vegetables with his own feces.)

I can't put my finger on it but I sense something strange about him.

("If they never interviewed you"...Hren replied  "did the interview anybody" ?)

The crew members go into the pod for a private conversation but Hal can see their lips moving

(Echelon hums in the background. A silent restricted information pipe)

"But what if its wrong and malfunctioning, then it will have to be shut down"

("But what if its wrong and malfunctioning, then it will have to be shut down")

"There's not a single aspect of ships operations that's not under his direct control"  comments Frank

(Wow, I gotta hit a lot of players here to survive this crap,  that small degree of consent of the governed that is left ...is all that I got left to use to do so.  Time to drink a bottle of scotch and file a dramatic report at the local post office...)

Well we just have to trust it,  replace the unit and see if it fails.   No Hal 9000 series has ever been shut down before

(There's never been an agency as powerful as Echelon before )

The Pod throws the crew member into space killing him when he goes outside to replace the unit.

(A suspect was arrested today in the Unabom investigation in a small cabin in Montana...)

Dave rushes into space to the rescue,  while he is outside Hal kills the rest of the crew as they sleep.

(Sean, Doug, Mike?, Witness? sometimes an ostridge does not have the wisest approach to dangers sometimes the street smart are to smart for their own good, stumbling into a rattlesnake by mistake, some who try stumble bravely one goes for open spaces )

"Open the Pod bay doors Hal.  Hello Hal do you read me.  Do you read me Hal ?  Hello Hal do you read me ?  Open the Pod bay doors Hal".


"I'm sorry Dave,  I can't do that Dave ...the mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it".

(alt.fan.Unabomber is not available anymore to search for past posts)

"Ok Hal,  I'll go in through the emergency airlock".

(JFK Anniversary present)

"Dave this conversation can serve no purpose anymore,  ...Goodbye."

"Just what do you think your doing Dave  I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you its going to be alright again,  I feel much better now I really do."

(See we have a new President everything is going extremely well)

"Look Dave I can see you are really upset about this.   I know I've made some very poor decisions lately.  I want to help you.  Stop Dave, will you stop Dave I'm afraid Dave..."

"My instructor was Mr langely and he taught me to sing a song and I can sing it for you.   Daisy ...Daisy... give me your answer do,  I'm half crazy all for the love of yoooooooou..."

"For security reasons of the highest priority this message has been known only to Hal.  Now that the crew has been revived and you have reached your goal this message can be given to you..."

by Dan Prid`e

describing actual similarities between personal experiences and the mythical HAL